"light" nudity

I just read a breakdown for a film, and it said "light nudity" is required. Light nudity? That's a first. Never heard that one before.

youtube video

So I shot a video the other day for youtube for a really funny writer. It was a lot of fun, the only problem is the sound. She uses a home video camera, which is fine for the purposes of "just doing this for fun", but if we had good sound, it would feel pretty professional actually. Also, you never are supposed to "project" your voice on camera, because that comes across as "acting." So therefore my voice sounds soft since we had no microphones hooked up to me. Oh well. It was fun, and the important thing is that everytime I act on camera, I learn tons. And this was the first time I was able to watch myself on camera and not feel embarassed/cringe. So yay for that!

I highly recommend Michael Caine's book about film acting. It's an easy read, funny, charming and highly educational. Of course, it wouldn't have made sense to me prior to my training.

You want to be an actor?

If you are considering becoming a professional actor, I'd suggest getting the book "How to be a Working Actor." It is a great overview of the business and how to get started. And if you aren't in one of the major acting cities, try to take as many acting opportunities as you can where you live. Build up your skills and resume that way. And if you do decide to come to NYC, I highly recommend getting yourself into a top two year acting program, even if you studied acting in college. I'd recommend first and foremost Bill and Suzanne Esper (study with them, and everyone whose anyone in LA or NYC will know that you have fab training), Terry Schreiber, and I also hear Michael Howard is very good. Remember that networking schools are not acting shools. You want to study first with an acting teacher and get your skills sharpened before you start taking "classes" with casting directors or agents.

That's just my experience, and how I would have done things if I knew then what I know now. :)

Angela Lansbury and Tony's

So I was watching the Tony's the other night and was saddened to hear Angela Lansbury say that at her age, she never would have expected to receive something like that. What strikes me about that, is the fact that so many male actors reach the pinnacle of their careers at "that age," whereas female actresses find few opportunities to act at all. I mean, if Angela Lansbury wants to be getting acting work at her age, there should be people beating down her door. It shouldn't be a surprise to her to win a Tony, it should be the next logical step that she should only get more awards as she grows as a person and an actress. But the truth is, most writers are still male, and most producers are still male, and so the majority of roles are still male, and if they are female, they are young females. So people say "well then, why don't you write?" BECAUSE I'M NOT A WRITER. And frankly, I resent that I already have to work twice as hard to get half as far in this business, and expecting that on top of that, I'm suddenly supposed to become brilliant at a whole other art form (writing) in order to get an opportunity as an actress is just...argh!!!!

I get frustrated that my gender is such a handicap in this business. I'm an artist as much as any male actor out there, and I should have equal opportunities in my chosen business. But that just isn't the cast when it comes to acting. I'm hoping that times are changing. I have friends who are in films and on tv who shave off a good five years off their age, because being 30 and over means less work. Unfortunately for me, like I said earlier, people have thought that I'm in my 30s since I turned 23.

But there's no use in focusing on this problem. All it does is upset me and take the motivation out of my day. The only way to solve this is to just keep doing what I love, and supporting the work of "older" actresses so that producers understand that people DO want to see older female characters.

Of course it doesn't help when you have women like Paris Hilton calling herself an actress. That sort of thing tends to continue the stereotype that female actresses are merely pretty decorations for the camera, as opposed to male actors who are artists of the human spirit.

Great. Now showering seems pointless. ....Must.... Find..... Motivation....

And no I do not hate men. I love men. I simply want my experience in this world to have equal opportunities. Nothing to do with hating men, but it's sad that often times more opportunities for women is automatically assumed to mean hate towards men. That is very revealing in my opinion.

New tops!

I just bought some new tops and they are super cute and perfect for commercial auditions. Now that the warm weather is here, I realized that all I have are tank tops. So now I have some cute blouses that fit the "business casual" category. I don't really like shopping and I often put it off for months, so I'm proud of myself that I went and got what I needed. It helps to remember that clothes are part of my career marketing tools; otherwise I just feel frivolous.

Quarterly Goal for September

I have set up a one year goal and broken it down into quarterly goals. For the first quarterly goal, I would like to have one new film/tv speaking credit, have all my marketing materials updated, and be at my ideal body weight. The deadline is September.

Here we go.....

Watch me Pivot

Okay so I realize my last post was all pity party. So here is how I'm going to pivot on the topic.

1. It actually feels really good to know that when I do feel successful, I'll also feel like I made it on my own without any nepotism. I like that. I think it'll feel more satisfying.

2. Things are actually going quite well right now. I just have a little downtime today, and I have a pattern of worrying that I should always be busy. But I know better now. And I know that this is just part of an actor's life.

3. And I have a manger who is sending me out for all these great commercial auditions. I love knowing that I'll be able to support myself with commercial/industrial work. How wonderful to be able to make money through acting, even if that means commercials!

4. I have already come so far, and I will keep going farther.

All is well, all is as it should be. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Okay, I feel better now that I pivoted on that topic. :)

Frustrated

Sometimes it's just so frustrating. Especially on those days where there is nothing scheduled and there is just this abyss of time. And you know that there are all these fabulous auditions/opportunities going on but you aren't getting in the door because you don't have an agent. And the only reason why some people have agents is because their daddy is a big shot in show biz, or they have friends in high places.

Grr.

Okay back to positive thinking.

Scarey Storm!

The thunder storm in NYC last night was crazy. My husband and I took our puppy on the bed with us because the poor little guy was trembling. He slept the rest of the night cuddled between us for protection. It makes me so sad, though, when I feel his little body shaking like that. I wish he understood English so we could explain to him what's going on! And now he's just sleeping through the day since he didn't sleep well last night. Poor little man.

Bad actress!

I worked on a scene last night with my scene partner. We presented it to our peers as a table read, and I...SUCKED. Yes, I sucked. And I have to remind myself that it's simply because I didn't craft it specifically enough, and so I got all self-conscious and in my head. So that's okay. It's a craft, not magic. But because when it is crafted right, it appears and feels like magic, we get confused about the truth of it. I'm a major perfectionist too, and it's hard for me to ever fall on my face. But it is impossible to be perfect in any art form, but it's really ridiculous to expect perfection ALL the time too.

Even as I'm writing this, I worry that whoever is reading it is now judging me as being not a good actress. It's that gremlin in my head saying: "If you were a good actress, you would NOT have nights like those." And I project those gremlins onto those around me, assuming they are thinking what my gremlin is saying.

Someone said recently "it's not perfect your craft, it's practise your craft." I love that. I need to print it out and paste it on my forehead.

So I got home last night feeling miserable. When a scene goes well, when it is well crafted, it's an incredible roller coaster ride, and you get an incredible high from it. But when it doesn't happen that way, there's this yucky icky feeling. But I am very proud of myself because I DID NOT eat Ben and Jerry's to cope with that feeling. Yay!

The best way to cope is to just keep telling myself that this is just part of the process, to just focus on preparing for the next rehearsal, and to go to bed early before I run out to the grocery store.

Sick!

So I finally went to the doctor after a month and a half of coughing. He put me on anti-biotics and I'm already starting to feel better. They also took a chest xray and some blood work. There could be some walking pneumonia developing or some kind of infection, hopefully whatever it was has been wiped out with the medicine. They couldn't understand why I took so long to go, but I've been so busy I really haven't had a day to go to the doctor. And while I LOVED working on the student film last month, I'm sure that the long hours (shooting until 4am most nights), didn't help the illness.

I always get flu shots offered by Actor's Equity because there is just no time for getting sick if you are in a show or shooting a film. It won't stop for your fever. But I guess something else got the best of me anyway.

But it always fascinates me how I never appreciate health so much as when I am sick. And when I'm sick I vow to never take my health for granted. Here's to good health!