Thursday, May 28, 2009
Exhausted
Working crew is hard physical labor. I came home exhausted from all the set changing I have to do. Ten different set changes! And bed dressing, and sheet changing and flower putting... I came home and binged on ben and jerry's in my hour of weakness. It felt like a reward, but I know it's not really a reward since it's no good for me. More crew tonight!
Commercial Callback
I got a callback for a commercial. It actually doesn't pay much, but it would be good to book it and have something on my website to show me on camera. Also is good for making my agent and manager like me. I've just started working with them and they both concentrate mainly on commercials.
Would be nice to get a paycheck :)
Would be nice to get a paycheck :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Working Crew
I'm working crew for a production. It's a theater company that I'm a member of. I actually really like being involved in the production aspect with this group. It helps to foster a sense of community as all the members participate in running and producing shows. So even when I'm not in a show, I still feel that I'm part of one. Plus if you help out, you will make a lasting impression and people will be more likely to audition/cast you. I've already acted with this group, but I know that by helping out, I'm continuing to stay in everyone's minds. But I love it anyway, regardless of the results. And I like hanging out with these people.
The only thing I don't like is that it's time away from my puppy. He is sleeping right now, but when he wakes up ready to play, I won't be here. I'll just have to give him extra luvin tonight.
The only thing I don't like is that it's time away from my puppy. He is sleeping right now, but when he wakes up ready to play, I won't be here. I'll just have to give him extra luvin tonight.
Frat Boy Productions
I find it interesting that so many student films "require nudity." I call these films "Frat Boy Productions."
Actor's Schedule
I don't like being out late. So many actors I know love the schedule of an acting life. I do not. I like to be up early, I like a 9-5 schedule, and I like to be home to make dinner and go to bed by 11pm. I still love acting so much that I'm willing to sacrifice my preferred schedule. Instead, I am usually required to be out late at night attending rehearsals, or shows, or working crew on a show whose company I'm a member of, or shooting a film on a set until 4am!
It's also hard to juggle it all. That's not to say I'm super busy. I luckily don't have to have a day job anymore. My husband and I are living like nuns off of his salary, but we are both happier when I'm not doing slave work for a survival job. So it's not like I'm running around with no time to myself. But, it still gets complicated. If I want to take a class, you can bet I'll get an audition for the same day as that class, and my best friend will have her baby shower that day. Or, I'll schedule my puppy's vet appointment, and my agent will call with a conflicting audition, and my aunt will decide to come into town. Or, my friend will be mad that I can't come to her daughter's birthday party because I'm performing in a show that night.
Being an actor means our schedules are always up in the air. It's hard to commit to a wedding because I never know if I'll book work that will conflict. And since it takes months of auditioning my ass off to finally book work, I certainly can't turn a month of work down for one day. Even when my husband and I got married, we knew that the honeymoon could get postponed if I booked a role.
This career takes years of sacrifice, but people don't always understand that if I turn down a role to attend your party/milestone, I am throwing away years of hard work that it took to finally book that role. It isn't about your one day, it's about years of sacrifice.
I guess the worse thing about an Actor's schedule, is that a lot of people don't understand. They will have the nerve to be mad at me that I won't turn down a role for their special day. But what they don't get is that my whole life is made up of these sacrifices, and trust me when I say, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
No, this doesn't mean I should give up acting. Obviously I would have given it up years ago and attended all these social affairs if I didn't love it to the core of my being.
It's also hard to juggle it all. That's not to say I'm super busy. I luckily don't have to have a day job anymore. My husband and I are living like nuns off of his salary, but we are both happier when I'm not doing slave work for a survival job. So it's not like I'm running around with no time to myself. But, it still gets complicated. If I want to take a class, you can bet I'll get an audition for the same day as that class, and my best friend will have her baby shower that day. Or, I'll schedule my puppy's vet appointment, and my agent will call with a conflicting audition, and my aunt will decide to come into town. Or, my friend will be mad that I can't come to her daughter's birthday party because I'm performing in a show that night.
Being an actor means our schedules are always up in the air. It's hard to commit to a wedding because I never know if I'll book work that will conflict. And since it takes months of auditioning my ass off to finally book work, I certainly can't turn a month of work down for one day. Even when my husband and I got married, we knew that the honeymoon could get postponed if I booked a role.
This career takes years of sacrifice, but people don't always understand that if I turn down a role to attend your party/milestone, I am throwing away years of hard work that it took to finally book that role. It isn't about your one day, it's about years of sacrifice.
I guess the worse thing about an Actor's schedule, is that a lot of people don't understand. They will have the nerve to be mad at me that I won't turn down a role for their special day. But what they don't get is that my whole life is made up of these sacrifices, and trust me when I say, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
No, this doesn't mean I should give up acting. Obviously I would have given it up years ago and attended all these social affairs if I didn't love it to the core of my being.
Dark Corners
I used to be really attracted to very emotional roles. They would help me to express all the shit going on in my mind and soul. But since I've done a lot of self-healing through Abraham, I am not needing these dark expressions as much. I used to be so anxious that I couldn't walk down the street without thinking about all the possible ways I could be killed. Life always felt so delicate, and I was constantly fretting and worrying about my loved ones. But since learning Abraham's message, it's like this incredible fog was lifted off of my mind, and I think so clearly now. I no longer go through life worrying, and I feel much more secure in the KNOWING that we are all eternal. I mean, I was raised Catholic so I "knew" that, but I didn't KNOW it.
So what does this mean for my acting? Well, I think it means a healthier approach to it. And a new era. Sure, I might not gravitate so much to the dark stuff, but I also have more confidence in my abilities because I am more sane now. So that will be much better for my acting. And I can still enter the world of the imagination, it just means that I won't be living in my imagination off stage. I guess part of me does worry that I won't be as good an artist if I am not tortured. But my life certainly is loads better. And isn't that the important part? And I think my worry is bull shit. I think I most certainly can be as good an artist, if not better.
And at the corner stone of Abe's teachings is the fact that we can all create our reality through our thoughts by telling a new story. So maybe I need to just start telling the story about how ever since I got happier, my acting got even better.
Isn't it funny how some artists resist happiness for the sake of their art? You'd think the only reason anyone does anything, is because they think it'll make them happy. So why do some artists make art if happiness is not their purpose?
So what does this mean for my acting? Well, I think it means a healthier approach to it. And a new era. Sure, I might not gravitate so much to the dark stuff, but I also have more confidence in my abilities because I am more sane now. So that will be much better for my acting. And I can still enter the world of the imagination, it just means that I won't be living in my imagination off stage. I guess part of me does worry that I won't be as good an artist if I am not tortured. But my life certainly is loads better. And isn't that the important part? And I think my worry is bull shit. I think I most certainly can be as good an artist, if not better.
And at the corner stone of Abe's teachings is the fact that we can all create our reality through our thoughts by telling a new story. So maybe I need to just start telling the story about how ever since I got happier, my acting got even better.
Isn't it funny how some artists resist happiness for the sake of their art? You'd think the only reason anyone does anything, is because they think it'll make them happy. So why do some artists make art if happiness is not their purpose?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Age Gremlin
I'm sure you've heard that it's hard to be an "older" actress in this business. Well, it seems that it's hard being over 10 years old in this business. I recently heard the mother of a child actor complaining that if her son didn't get to a certain level in his career before he turned 12, he'd be competing with older actors playing younger and be aged out of the game. Uhm... yeah... so did I mention I'm in my late 20s? Okay, well even when I was 21 I was worried that I was too old. Actually, take it back to my ballet pursuit, and by 13 I was stressing about my age. I am envious of my friends who don't have to worry about age in their careers. In fact they'd be able to sue for age discrimination in their careers. Okay, I guess I don't have to worry about age in my career either, I'm just CHOOSING to worry about it. And worrying is wasteful and useless in times like these (to quote Jewel.)
A lot of people like to say that once an actress hits 30, it's impossible. Well, lucky for me, people have been thinking I'm 30 since I was 23. That used to be really frustrating, but hey, at least turning 30 won't be traumatizing. I'm actually looking forward to turning 30 so I can stop wondering why I don't look my age. Actually, I have very strong bone structure so that seems to be why people think I'm older. And apparently I come across as mature. But if I worry about my age in this business, then I'm wasting so much of my energy. Just like that child actor should not be worrying about turning 12, I should not be worrying about being in my late 20s.
If we are always searching for why the odds are stacked against us, we are sabotaging ourselves. When I first knew I wanted to make acting my career, I started thinking the following:
"The only people who make it in this business are those born into it."
"I'm not pretty enough or tall enough or skinny enough."
"I'm too old." (I was 20)
"I don't want to move to a city."
But all of that was paralyzing. I had to drop the gremlins and just go for it. What purpose does it serve us to focus on the negative? One thing Abraham says is to focus on the solution, not the problem. When we focus on the solution, we are using our energy in a much more productive way. I also find that when I ask the universe to show me examples of why my "flaws" will not hold me back, the universe inundates me with proof. But when I focus on how bad I have it, then the universe mirrors that back to me as well.
Life is too short to not follow our dreams. And once we are following our dreams, life is too short to dig our heels into the dirt and whine the whole way. Noone has ever reached success without having some major road blocks along the way. Use them to sharpen your desire.
So now I focus on why my age works for me. Well, when I go out on auditions for commercials and all the other actresses are actually in their 30s, I get to be THE YOUNG LOOKING ONE!!! How fun after always looking older than my fellow auditioners! And the roles I go out for are much more interesting than the 20 something mindless characters. And who needs to be a teeny bopper on the WB? I'm looking for depth and longevity to my career.
Oh and here's a tip for you actors out there... if you are like me and compare where you're at with where you're favorite actors were at at your age- BEWARE! I know several actors in the business who are quite successful, and whose PR people shave off 5-10 years from their age. So while you might be saying "Oh well, at 20 this actor already shot a major feature film", the truth is they may have actually been 30. But more importantly, you shouldn't be comparing yourself anyway. Put blinders on like it's a horse race, and keep your eye on the prize. Everyone has different paths, and again, don't waste your energy thinking about the problems. Your perceived "problems" are probably not problems at all.
A lot of people like to say that once an actress hits 30, it's impossible. Well, lucky for me, people have been thinking I'm 30 since I was 23. That used to be really frustrating, but hey, at least turning 30 won't be traumatizing. I'm actually looking forward to turning 30 so I can stop wondering why I don't look my age. Actually, I have very strong bone structure so that seems to be why people think I'm older. And apparently I come across as mature. But if I worry about my age in this business, then I'm wasting so much of my energy. Just like that child actor should not be worrying about turning 12, I should not be worrying about being in my late 20s.
If we are always searching for why the odds are stacked against us, we are sabotaging ourselves. When I first knew I wanted to make acting my career, I started thinking the following:
"The only people who make it in this business are those born into it."
"I'm not pretty enough or tall enough or skinny enough."
"I'm too old." (I was 20)
"I don't want to move to a city."
But all of that was paralyzing. I had to drop the gremlins and just go for it. What purpose does it serve us to focus on the negative? One thing Abraham says is to focus on the solution, not the problem. When we focus on the solution, we are using our energy in a much more productive way. I also find that when I ask the universe to show me examples of why my "flaws" will not hold me back, the universe inundates me with proof. But when I focus on how bad I have it, then the universe mirrors that back to me as well.
Life is too short to not follow our dreams. And once we are following our dreams, life is too short to dig our heels into the dirt and whine the whole way. Noone has ever reached success without having some major road blocks along the way. Use them to sharpen your desire.
So now I focus on why my age works for me. Well, when I go out on auditions for commercials and all the other actresses are actually in their 30s, I get to be THE YOUNG LOOKING ONE!!! How fun after always looking older than my fellow auditioners! And the roles I go out for are much more interesting than the 20 something mindless characters. And who needs to be a teeny bopper on the WB? I'm looking for depth and longevity to my career.
Oh and here's a tip for you actors out there... if you are like me and compare where you're at with where you're favorite actors were at at your age- BEWARE! I know several actors in the business who are quite successful, and whose PR people shave off 5-10 years from their age. So while you might be saying "Oh well, at 20 this actor already shot a major feature film", the truth is they may have actually been 30. But more importantly, you shouldn't be comparing yourself anyway. Put blinders on like it's a horse race, and keep your eye on the prize. Everyone has different paths, and again, don't waste your energy thinking about the problems. Your perceived "problems" are probably not problems at all.
Who am I?
I decided to start a blog to talk about my life as an actress. I was hesitant about what to name this blog, because I've found that labeling myself as an "actress" raises a lot of issues. So really, I am a human being who likes to act and has chosen acting as my vocation. Okay I know that sounds really pretentious, and I don't mean it that way. But I find that sometimes I derive my identity from what I do. I grew up dancing Ballet, and when I decided that I would no longer pursue dance as my future career, I went through a major identity crisis. I had always defined myself as a dancer, and I didn't know who I was anymore. So now that I've been acting for years, I want to be careful that I am not confusing who I am with what I do.
So who am I really? Well, I know that this will alienate some people, but I believe we are source energy come forth into the physical reality to revel and create on this glorious planet. Wow. Now that is a powerful label, and it is not based on what I do, but my divine worth.
Okay but who am I besides that? Well, I'm a wife, I'm the adoptive mommy of a beautiful puppy, a daughter, a sister, and an NYC based 20 something actress. I am also a big believer in the Law of Attraction as taught by Abraham-Hicks, and that plays a big part in my life.
So who am I really? Well, I know that this will alienate some people, but I believe we are source energy come forth into the physical reality to revel and create on this glorious planet. Wow. Now that is a powerful label, and it is not based on what I do, but my divine worth.
Okay but who am I besides that? Well, I'm a wife, I'm the adoptive mommy of a beautiful puppy, a daughter, a sister, and an NYC based 20 something actress. I am also a big believer in the Law of Attraction as taught by Abraham-Hicks, and that plays a big part in my life.
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